I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
