May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Randomize
