At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
