Whatcha textin bout Willis?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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