you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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