shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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