I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
