I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
