I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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