yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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