I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I still have a little drunk in my system
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
