plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Can you bring me the toilet please
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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