You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
