So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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