I accidentally had phone sex last night
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
