I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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