it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My vagina just recognized that song.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
