A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
