): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
