You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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