We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
