Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
