she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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