If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
