i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm always down for nudity.
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