Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
