9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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