Where did you get a picture of my penis
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
