tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
