I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
