Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
