Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
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