2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
