that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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