dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
