Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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