wakey wakey hands off snakey
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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