There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
