Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
