Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
