his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
