Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I think I died a long time ago.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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