So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
