happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
