Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
be right there i have to get my cape
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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