Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
