I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize