idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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