Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
