in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i drank out of a bidet.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
