You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
