I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
