Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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