Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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