So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
