Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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