I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
