R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Randomize
