i just had sex bonerless
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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