so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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