I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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