Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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