fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
