Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
