My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
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