i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
