Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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