wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
sarcasm needs its own font
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
