Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
