At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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